Friends?

Extension granted-week 2 blog assignment

By chance, the other night I watched an episode of the television show, Friends-a popular show from the 90’s, early 2000’s the documented the journey of 8 friends based in New York City. I do not have a DVR or Tivo to record the show, so I watched it on a first-run with the volume up, yet I paid very close attention to the communication styles and interactions. What I noticed is that there was a lot of bickering, crying and even physical abuse. Understanding that most of those moments were for the slapstick comedy factor that so many valued, I also found it amusing that those interactions were considered the epitome of a great friendship. More so, the “violence”, if you can call it that. Considered to be all in jest, but when you really think about the situation the characters were in (one was upset that her husband took a job offer in another state without talking to her first and another was upset that his friend offered to marry the woman he just had a baby with because he didn’t want to marry her), those are all situations that can be discussed conversationally and emotions and feelings communicated throughly as adults.

I, for one, do not enjoy slapstick comedy and things done for shock value, especially not in an arena in which I am expecting or supposed to be entertained. Entertainment for me, is something that challenges my mind and stimulates my intellectual capability, therefore increasing communication on the topics being observed or studied at large. There are many ways to convey anger, disappointment, sadness, and hurt without relying on physical violence (again, comedy or not).

Because this is a show that I never liked when it originally aired and never found quite appealing even as the reruns aired, it’s very possible that I had some assumptions going into it. But, on the flip side, many of my favorite TV shows, I have dsicovered after their first run and by watching repeats (Will & Grace, King of Queens), so after all these years, I hesitate to believe that my judgment of Friends has been clouded by assumptions.

 

Communicating under pressure…

It’s interesting to me that my exercise for the assignment this week took place while I was away with family for the Thanksgiving holiday. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to complete the entire assessment, but what I can tell you is how I was able to communicate with different people over the course of the last 5 or so days and what I have learned is that I have made a very good practice of being courteous, appreciative, thankful and grateful for any service that was given to me or done for me. We received excellent service on our trip and I found myself saying “please” and “thank you” when others did not. Another habit I picked up a few years ago from a colleague of mine is saying “I’m sorry?” when someone says something that you did not hear or understand, in order to ask them to repeat it again. That is so much more considerate than saying “What” or “Huh?” There are so many etiquette guidelines with regards to communication that you would think common courtesy and manners would be a given practice but unfortunately, so many do not have that skill.

 

Communicating Differently

As I read the assignment for this week, I was immediately drawn to my workplace for ideas of whether or not I communicate with people of different cultures and groups because that is more than likely, the place where I have the most common interactions among people unlike me. However, in answering the specific question, I was drawn to situation that occurred a few weeks back and the results, which spoke to different generations, cultures and backgrounds and how we all work together.

A teacher who spent most of her childhood in Russia has been with my school for about three years. She is also one of the younger members of the staff. In previous conversations with other coworkers, she was unaware who the group Menudo was. She said it was because she grew up in Russia, but many attributed it to her age. A few weeks ago, she sent an email to all staff asking for suggestions on kid-friendly hip hop songs that do not contain cursing, references to sex, drugs, guns or violence and finally, songs that refrain from using *the n-word* (for the purposes of my blog, I WILL NOT spell the entire word out, however please be aware that she did do just that, in her email).

As Director and as Chair of the school’s Diversity committee, I gently sent her a cautionary email, advising her to be mindful of using that word in its full context as some still consider it offensive and despite how mainstream it may have appear to gone by younger generations, older generations and possibly people of other cultures may still feel the cultural, negative sting of the impact of that word. She feigned to have no idea what word I was referring to and when I specified what it was, she couldn’t understand why she would have offended someone. When I told her this would be a conversation better to have face to face instead of email, she became defensive and asked that an administrator be present (seemingly forgetting that I am the lead administator in charge). I just find it interesting that there was a clear generational and cultural gap of something of this magnitude that occurred in my workplace. However, I am pleased that I was the person in such a position that I had to be the one to clarify the miscommunication and level of appropriateness on all parts.

 

Admiration & Respect

As I tried to think of one particular person who stood out to me for their effective communicaiton skills, I found myself at a loss. Sure, it would be easy to use the typical power players, such as mayors, governors, the President, etc (especially after having seen so many of them for the past few days in press conferences due to Hurricane Sandy) but I wanted to look a bit deeper. The problem is that I know what effective communication skills I admire, but I am having a difficult time trying to think of one or a number of particular people that I can use for this post. Of course, I do believe my mind is out of sorts as the dark skies approach earlier than usual, due to daylight savings time…and I have to face the idea of another night with no power. So, forgive me if my mind wanders on this blog post and I veer off course.

I know that when it comes to effectively communicating, I admire people who stand firm with their words. Those people who say what they mean and do so with no hesitancy or questionmark in their voice. Over the course of the past few years, this has been the topic of debate in one of my inner circles, as we discussed how many women speak with that unnecessary question mark at the end of each statement, almost as though they are seeking validation from their counterparts and are not confident in what they are saying. For that reason alone, I try to make sure that every statement I say ends firm and with the period or exclamation mark is was intended to have. Far be it for me to let anyone think I am slipping from my position of authority and that I, in any way, doubt, my abilities because I do not.

I respect those that can command the attention of a group of people in a crowded room, those that can garner the attention while faced with the challenge of speaking publicly to a group of people. I have had many people remark in my ability to remain calm, poised and able to effectively get my message across, but what many do not know is that somewhere inside of me, once I have the confidence to get the message out, I become extremely nervous in making sure that I’m getting the message out to EVERYONE in the room. I begin to think of how I am being perceived, can the people in the back of the room hear me and on my end, I can tell these little things affect my calm and poised demeanor. Maybe others don’t see it, but I feel it and that is something I aspire to work on. As I move further in my career, I hope to be called upon to communicate more with people in a group or public setting. The only way to get better is to practice and to furthermore, look at those that I admire, those that I respect and take important cues from them.